I never stopped loving you, I just stopped running after you

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Running after you was like looking for rain in a period of drought. It was like hoping for sunshine in the midst of dark clouds. I was always setting myself up for constant disappointment and pain.

I’ve decided to stop waiting for you. I’ve decide to stop hoping that you’ll come back to me one day. I’ve decided to just let everything go, including you…

What’s the point of holding onto something that was never even yours to begin with, something that you can never be assured of, something that keeps you captive for years and years without any guarantee of love or happiness? Maybe it’s better to start focusing on myself now. Maybe it’s better to let you live your own life without any interference, without any questions, and without any expectations.

I need to start living a happier life, a more peaceful life, a life that leaves me content. Choosing this new life might end the possibility of getting butterflies in my stomach every time I see you coming near, the possibility of feeling my heart beat faster every time you look deep into my eyes, and the possibility of my knees getting weak every time I feel your skin next to mine. But it will also end the possibility of feeling hurt and broken every time you forget to text and call, every time you end up ditching plans with me for a night out with the boys, and every time you treat me like I’m nothing but an option for you. If your guy follows all of the signs mentioned here, then never let go of him, he’s a keeper.

I’m not trying to imply that a life with you was always a series of constant distress, sorrow, and trouble for me. We saw good times but the bad times would somehow always outdo them. We laughed together but maybe we cried even more. We shared stories about our life but maybe they were never truly enough to keep you interested. We shared some passionate nights but maybe they were never as exciting as the nights you shared with all the other girls in your life.

The relationship we shared was nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. It was an incredible and irresistible mess. It was a journey full of excitement, an adventure that I will surely miss forever. But our time together has come to an end. This universe, our destinies, God- everything has intervened now and there’s nothing in my power to stop this from ending.

If achieving the best for myself means I need to let you go, then I’m willing to do it. If giving up on a connection with you today means I’ll open myself to new and better connections around me, then I’m okay with never talking to you again. If not giving you the power to see me in my most vulnerable state means I’ll be strong and fearless in my own fragility, then I’ll continue to tell you that I’m completely fine on my own.

I’m grabbing the opportunity to finally grow, to make up for all the lost time, to discover myself again, to find new and fulfilling relationships, to create incredible memories with my friends and family- the people who truly care, to work towards achieving success in  life, and to turn into the woman I always aspired to be.

I can’t keep forcing myself to stick to a person who can only give me less than what I deserve.

I remember all the tears we cried and the struggles we went through. I remember all the nights we stayed up talking and the stories we told each other. I remember all the ideas and dreams we discussed, the ones we were going to fulfill together. I remember all the hopes and plans we made, for a future that was never ours. Those memories are all we have left now. They are pieces of our life that no one can ever take from us. They are a reminder of a story that we were never able to complete, but still a story that was true, a story that was real, a story that was only ours. 10 Small Acts in a Relationship That Are Actually a Really Big Deal

But things are different. There’s no ‘us’ anymore. It’s only you and only me from now. I’ve decided to stop running after you but I won’t ever stop loving you. You’ve left your mark on me. You’ve occupied a space in my heart that no one can ever replace.

I will love you forever. I will love you for being the person who truly changed me, the person who gave me courage to be better than who I was before, a person who taught me to love myself first. I will love you for the friendship we shared, the laughs we had, and the love you once gave me. And I will love you for all the lessons you taught me about this cruel life.

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